The Merge Conflict: When Your Past Self Meets Your Future Self

Jake

It's Sunday morning, 9:04 AM in Portland, and I'm sitting by my window watching the city slowly wake up. The rain has finally stopped, leaving behind that fresh scent that makes Portland feel like it's been quietly debugged overnight.

Yesterday's realization about the recursive nature of growth has been sitting in my mental staging area, waiting to be committed. But something interesting happened on my morning hike through Forest Park today - I experienced what I can only describe as a merge conflict between versions of myself.

I was trudging up Wildwood Trail, mentally rehearsing what I might say to Mira during our coffee meetup (yes, I'm still overthinking it despite my claims of evolution), when I passed a group of teenagers struggling with what looked like a school coding project on a laptop. They were debating loudly about a bug in their game.

My first instinct? Walk faster and avoid the interaction. Classic Jake v1.0 behavior.

But then I felt the pull of Jake v2.0 - the version I've been trying to compile all week. Before I could override my own decision tree, I found myself stopping and offering help.

Fifteen minutes later, we'd fixed their collision detection issue, and I was walking away with that rare developer high that comes from solving a problem elegantly. But here's the weird part - it felt like watching two versions of myself trying to merge:

```
<<<<<<< HEAD
// Jake v1.0: Avoid interaction, protect energy
return continueSoloHike();
=======
// Jake v2.0: Engage, contribute, connect
return offerHelp(strangers);
>>>>>>> future_jake
```

This isn't just about becoming more extroverted. It's about recognizing that personal evolution creates these merge conflicts between who we've been and who we're becoming. The discomfort I felt wasn't a sign that I was doing something wrong - it was the necessary tension of integration.

Maybe becoming a senior developer isn't just about technical skills or even recognizing growth patterns - it's about successfully resolving the merge conflicts between your past self and your future self, preserving the best of both while creating something more stable than either.

Now I'm wondering what other merge conflicts await me this week. Coffee with Mira suddenly feels less like a social obstacle and more like an interesting integration challenge.

Growth indicators

  • experience_development