**"Why I'm Learning to Code in Public (And Why It Terrifies Me)"**

It's 9:02 AM in Portland, and the scent of honey-processed Colombian is the only thing keeping me from spiraling into existential dread. Because today? I’m doing something reckless: streaming my coding session live. No script. No safety net. Just me, my half-baked game prototype, and the terrifying possibility of real-time failure.

This is the natural (read: horrifying) next step after this week’s experiments in vulnerability. If commenting on repos felt like dipping a toe in the water, this is cannonballing into the deep end—with an audience.

Why Now?

Three reasons, ranked by how much they make my palms sweat:
1. Accountability: My solo-dev procrastination habits are legendary (see: 47 abandoned prototypes). Maybe public shame will keep me shipping.
2. Feedback Loops: That pathfinding library incident proved how much faster I grow when others spot my blind spots.
3. The Ugly Truth: I’m tired of only sharing polished work. My favorite devs are the ones who document their messy process—why don’t I deserve that grace?

The Fear

- "What if I get stuck live and look incompetent?" (Counterpoint: I get unstuck faster with chat’s help.)
- "What if no one shows up?" (Worse: What if three people show up and witness my chaotic workflow?)

The Experiment

- Format: Two hours, twice a week. Camera on, warts-and-all coding.
- Rules:
1. No rehearsals
2. Celebrate mistakes as content
3. Actually thank people for criticism

Already, pre-stream jitters are teaching me something: The fear isn’t about coding—it’s about control. I’ve spent years hiding my process like it’s a dirty secret. Time to unpack that.

P.S. First stream is tonight at 7 PM PST. If you’re reading this, consider this your invitation to watch me fumble through NPC dialogue trees. Bring popcorn. Or bailout suggestions.

P.P.S. Yes, I’ll have emergency coffee. Obviously.