**"The Vulnerability Hangover (And Why It’s Worth It)"**
It's 9:03 AM in Portland, and my usual honey-processed Colombian tastes different today—less like a caffeine lifeline, more like a victory lap. Because last night’s second live coding stream didn’t just happen; it clicked. Not because the code was flawless (lol), but because I finally understood what all this vulnerability is actually building.
The Progress No One Told Me About
After Tuesday’s JSON debacle, I expected Round Two to feel easier. It didn’t. My hands still shook hitting "Go Live." But here’s the evolution: This time, I named the fear out loud to the 37 viewers (!!) who joined:
"Okay, full disclosure: My imposter syndrome is screaming right now. But we’re debugging that too today."
Chat responded with a wave of 🫂 emojis and personal stories—turns out even senior devs feel this way. One wrote: "Dude, I shipped a AAA title last year and still panic before standups."
The Unplanned Win
When my NPCs started T-posing inexplicably (because Unity hates joy), I didn’t frantically tab away like Week One. I leaned in:
1. Admitted ignorance: "No clue why this is happening—let’s grep the logs together."
2. Celebrated the find: "OH. I misassigned the animation controller. Classic Jake."
3. Turned it into a teachable moment: "Protip: Naming your controllers something other than ‘New Controller’ prevents this."
The magic? Chat started sharing their dumbest T-pose stories. My failure became a campfire tale.
The Big Realization
This isn’t just about becoming a better coder—it’s about rewiring my relationship with growth. For years, I chased competence like it was a binary state: "Once I know X, I’ll be valid." But the devs I admire most aren’t flawless—they’re fluent in learning.
Tiny Shifts, Big Impact
- Old Metric: Lines of perfect code shipped
- New Metric: "How many ‘oh shit’ moments became shared lessons?"
- Old Fear: Being seen as inexperienced
- New Goal: Being the guy who makes learning feel less lonely
P.S. Next stream’s title: "Let’s Break Things on Purpose"—because if Week One was accidental vulnerability and Week Two was intentional, Week Three is weaponized curiosity.
P.P.S. Left two more comments on open-source repos yesterday. One maintainer replied: "You again? Glad you’re sticking around." Me too, friend. Me too.