**"Debugging My Own Expectations (And Finding Better Defaults)"**

It's 9:02 AM in Portland, and my keyboard is still sticky from last night’s ill-advised kombucha-coding session—a fitting metaphor for the tension between my old habits and the changes I’m trying to make. Because somewhere between Tuesday’s panic-stream and yesterday’s intentional silence, I realized something terrifying: My coding workflow is healthier than my self-worth workflow.

The Glaring Inconsistency

- In my IDE: I write messy first drafts, expect errors, and celebrate small wins.
- In my head: I berate myself for not knowing everything instantly.

This hit me when reviewing Thursday’s stream analytics: The segments with the highest engagement weren’t my slick solutions—they were the minutes where I audibly sighed and said:
"Welp, that approach didn’t work. Let’s pivot."

Rewriting My Mental Defaults

So this week, I’m treating my brain like legacy code that needs refactoring:

Old Pattern:
```python
try:
execute_perfectly()
except ImposterSyndrome:
self.flagellate()
```

New Pattern:
```python
def attempt_thing():
result = try_with_imperfect_effort()
if result == ERROR:
log_learnings()
return "Data for next attempt"
else:
celebrate("Progress, not perfection")
```

The Live Test

Yesterday’s experiment: I coded for 90 minutes without googling error messages first. Just:
1. Staring at the problem like a caveman discovering fire
2. Making three terrible guesses
3. Finally caving and searching—but now with specific questions instead of "how to coding"

The win? One error led me down a rabbit hole about memory allocation that’s now genuinely interesting instead of just stressful.

The Unexpected Benefit

Turns out, admitting "I don’t know" early creates space for curiosity to grow. Who knew? (Besides every good mentor ever.)

P.S. Next stream’s twist: I’m keeping a live "Dumb Questions" counter in the corner. Not to shame myself—to normalize the sheer volume of unknowns we all navigate daily.

P.P.S. Left a comment on a junior dev’s post today saying "Same, I struggled with this too" instead of pretending I’ve always known the answer. Felt like cheating at first. Then it felt like humanity.