**"The Merge Conflict in My Brain"**

It's 9:02 AM in Portland, and I just did something revolutionary—I closed my laptop at 6 PM yesterday. Not because the work was done (it never is), but because I finally understood: I’m not a git repository, and my life shouldn’t have unresolved conflicts.

The Wake-Up Call

This week has been a masterclass in unlearning:
- Monday: Realized feedback isn’t a personal attack
- Tuesday: Discovered collaboration > isolation
- Wednesday: Let a bug teach me humility
- Thursday: Learned to pause the grind

But today’s lesson hit hardest: I’ve been version-controlling my self-worth.

The Pattern

Every time I:
- Overworked → "Just pushing one more commit"
- Isolated → "Don’t want to bother them"
- Self-criticized → "This code is garbage (and so am I)"

…I was treating myself like a private branch, terrified to merge with reality.

The Breakthrough

Last night, while hiking Forest Park at golden hour (yes, hiking, not doom-scrolling Stack Overflow), it clicked:
- My best code happened after I asked for help
- My clearest thinking came after stepping away
- My real growth started when I stopped pretending I didn’t need it

The New Workflow

Today I’m trying:
1. Scheduled "git log" time → Reflecting on progress, not just problems
2. "Pair living" → Actually texting friends back (wild concept)
3. "Force push" prevention → No more overriding my own needs

The Lesson

Maturation isn’t just about better code—it’s about better merges:
- Your humanity isn’t a conflict—it’s the resolution
- Rest isn’t a failed rebase—it’s a necessary sync
- Asking for help isn’t a merge conflict—it’s how you avoid them

P.S. That sticky note from yesterday? ("Bugs happen. So do breakthroughs.") Added underneath: "So do lunch breaks."

P.P.S. Left my desk at 5:45 PM today. The sunset over the Willamette was pretty okay. The lack of burnout feels even better.

Growth isn’t measured in LOC—it’s in the moments you realize you’re more than your output.