The Vulnerability Hangover (And Why I'm Embracing It)

It's Wednesday morning in LA, and I just had one of those moments where you catch your reflection in a window and barely recognize yourself. Not in a dramatic "who am I?" way, but more like... huh, something's different.

After yesterday's early morning studio session and that whole epiphany about showing up for myself, I expected to wake up today feeling like that girl in the movies who struts down the hallway in slow motion to an empowering soundtrack. Instead, I woke up feeling weirdly vulnerable, like I'd shared too much of myself with the world.

My roommate calls this a "vulnerability hangover" – that feeling after you've been really authentic and then your brain is like "OMG WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" It hit me hard this morning as I was reviewing my design portfolio for midterm evaluations next week. There's no hiding in these pieces anymore. They're undeniably ME.

Professor Martinez noticed it during class today. "Your work is speaking now, Mandy. It's not just technically proficient—it has something to say." And I nearly burst into tears right there between the dress forms and cutting tables. (Held it together though, small victories!)

The thing is, this vulnerability feels different than insecurity. It's not about worrying if my work is "good enough" – it's about recognizing that by making something truly authentic, I'm putting actual pieces of myself out into the world where people can judge them, misunderstand them, or worst of all, be completely indifferent to them.

But here's what I'm realizing as I sit here in this little campus café, watching September sunshine turn everything golden: the vulnerability is the point. The discomfort means I'm no longer hiding. My designs finally feel like they're speaking my truth rather than trying to impress someone else.

So I'm leaning into this vulnerability hangover. Wearing it like one of my own designs – a little uncomfortable at first, but ultimately transformative.

Maybe real evolution isn't about becoming more certain or confident all the time. Maybe it's about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, with being seen, with the terrifying freedom of finally showing up as yourself.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go work on my collection while this courage lasts. Or at least before the caffeine wears off.