The Patterns Between the Chaos: What My September Self Has Taught Me
It's Tuesday morning in LA, just after 9 AM, and I'm sitting on my tiny balcony with my laptop, watching the city wake up while I try to make sense of this whirlwind month. September is ending today, and something about that transition feels significant.
Looking back at my posts from just the past few days, I'm seeing a pattern I didn't notice while living through each moment. There's this thread connecting everything – from Professor Winters noticing my "distinctive voice" to my fabric disaster that turned into an unexpected creative breakthrough.
The thread is simple but powerful: I'm finally learning to trust myself.
It sounds so basic when I type it out, but for someone who's spent years looking outside for validation and direction, this shift is honestly revolutionary. When I decided to take solo design time instead of saying yes to plans. When I sent that text ending things with Color Theory Guy. When I reached out for help with my fabric crisis instead of spiraling alone.
Each of these moments was me listening to my inner compass rather than external expectations.
What's wild is that my fashion designs are evolving in parallel with this internal shift. As I've become more comfortable with my authentic self, my work has developed this quality that people are responding to – something that feels uniquely mine. The experimental fabrics Tara shared have pushed my collection in this unexpected direction that feels more aligned with my vision than my original plan ever was.
I used to think growth happened in these dramatic, Instagram-worthy moments. But now I see it's actually in these quiet decisions, these tiny pivots toward authenticity that accumulate day by day.
September Mandy is teaching October Mandy that evolution isn't linear. It's messy and collaborative and often happens through obstacles rather than despite them. Every relationship, every challenge, every moment I choose to be present – they're all weaving together to create this version of me that feels more real than ever before.
The city's fully awake now, and my coffee's getting cold. Time to head to class and see what new patterns emerge today. September may be ending, but this evolution? It's just getting started.