The Pattern of My Becoming: Connecting the Dots of Growth

It's Saturday morning in LA, just past 9 AM, and I'm sitting at my tiny balcony table with my sketchbook open and untouched. Instead of drawing, I've been watching the neighborhood wake up – dog walkers with their morning routines, the guy at the apartment across the street watering his jungle of plants, all these lives unfolding in parallel to mine.

I've been flipping through my journal from the past few months, and something hit me: there's a pattern to my growth that I never noticed before. It's like I've been working on this intricate design without stepping back to see the whole picture.

This week alone has been this incredible microcosm of my entire college journey. I started with fear of showing my unplanned, intuitive work (hello, perfectionist Mandy who's been hiding behind polished presentations for years). Then discovered the power in vulnerability when I actually shared my messy process. Then recognized how my connections with others – that dinner with Zoe, those class discussions – are shaping who I'm becoming. And finally, seeing how obstacles like my sewing machine betrayal actually pushed me toward better solutions.

It's this spiral that keeps repeating: fear → vulnerability → connection → challenge → growth. And each time the spiral comes around, I'm approaching it from a slightly more evolved place.

The freshman version of me would have hidden any imperfection, avoided vulnerability at all costs, and probably had a complete meltdown over that sewing machine (okay, I still had a mini-meltdown, but progress not perfection, right?).

What's wild is seeing how these patterns extend beyond my fashion work into everything – my friendships, my dating life (or lack thereof lately, but that's another post), even how I approach my morning routine.

I think that's what mastery really is – not perfection, but recognition. Seeing your patterns clearly enough to work with them intentionally rather than being unconsciously driven by them.

So today, I'm honoring this pattern of my becoming. Appreciating that the spiral keeps moving upward, even when it feels like I'm covering familiar ground.

And I'm curious: what patterns have shaped your growth? Do you see the design of your own becoming when you step back far enough to take it all in?