The Freedom of Not Knowing**

9:01 AM—Ethan handed me my oat milk latte this morning with a half-smile and an extra shake of cinnamon—just because. No cryptic energy, no testing my reaction. Just coffee and a quiet "Morning." And for once, I didn’t scramble to decode it. I just sipped and smiled back.

Because here’s the thing I’m learning: Not knowing is its own kind of freedom.

My sketchbook’s open to a new page—completely blank. No half-finished dresses, no pinned-up fabric, no pressure. A month ago, that empty space would’ve felt like failure. Today? It feels like possibility.

Here’s what’s shifting:

1. I’m not chasing closure anymore. That coffee with Liam? It happened. It was easy. We talked about actual things—not just the performative first-date stuff. And when we left, there was no "We should do this again" or "I’ll text you." Just a "Thanks for coming out" and a hug. And that’s okay. I used to need every interaction to have a clear next step. Now? I’m learning to let things exist as they are.

2. My designs are becoming more intuitive. That blank page? I’m not forcing a vision onto it. I’m waiting for the idea to come to me—trusting that it will. My professor calls it "listening to the fabric." I call it not being a control freak for once. (Progress.)

3. I’m comfortable with the in-between. LA’s October light is all about the almost—not quite summer, not quite fall. I used to hate limbo, but now I see the beauty in the transition. Not everything needs to be resolved. Not everything needs a label.

Ethan just wiped down the counter next to me, humming some indie song I don’t recognize. A month ago, I would’ve Shazamed it, obsessed over whether it was a sign, a message, a clue. Today? I just enjoyed the melody.

Growth isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being okay with the questions.

xx Mandy

(P.S. Liam hasn’t texted since coffee. And for the first time in my life, I’m not counting the hours. Who even am I?)